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Dilemmas: What If My Family Doesn’t Approve My Mature Dating Partner?

family and loveWhen it comes to dating in general, we are all familiar with that dreaded feeling when we present our date to our loved ones — will my family approve of my partner? And even though this typically refers to young pre-married people that are seeking the approval of their parents, when you are a mature person, you know that the opposite applies as well. Perhaps you have already divorced and have grown-up children and they don’t seem that receptive–or the rest of your family and relatives don’t seem to be that encouraging as well. Whatever the case, there are a few tips that will help deal with the matter and make your family more open to accepting your mature relationship.

 

No 1: Explain to them that you will always care and love them no matter what. Things can get pretty tough, especially when you have children from a failed marriage. Very often, they might fear and get jealous that your new partner will eat up your time and “love” and you won’t pay the attention that you used to. If you lovingly explain them that you will always care and support them no matter what and whoever is with you, this will quench their fears and reassure them that there is no reason to worry. Of course, your words have to be translated into in actions as well–if you don’t really show that you care, their remarks will only get worse.

 

No 2: Invite everybody over at a place that you all seem to love–but not the same place you used to visit with your former husband/wife or partner.  In case your family seems to complain without actually meeting the person you are dating, a great idea would be to organize a meet up at a restaurant, cafe or a place you all seem to enjoy. As long as this place doesn’t remind the family of your former wife or husband that will bring all the family together for meeting up your new partner.

 

No 3: Don’t engage into details and don’t feed their fears.  Sometimes, in our attempt to soften the tension and disapproval of our family and especially our adult children, we tend to be extra talkative about the whole thing. Your family doesn’t have to now every single detail about your new partner e.g. the exact story how and where you met, how much you’ve been dating, how do they look like or their personality traits–sometimes tiny details e.g that your partner tends to sleep all the time, may ignite the disapproval of your children, even if these comments may seem innocent.  They will eventually get to know more about your partner, but don’t reveal too much from the start.

 

No 4: Negotiate with them. Tell your family that you fully understand their concerns and that they don’t need to show up at a certain family meeting or party if they don’t want to, but they need to know that you expect them to eventually meet your partner one day. This will make them both feel valued and understood while getting your expectations clear.

 

No 5: Don’t Force them to react more positively or throw ultimatums. If you don’t want any disagreements to escalate into a fighting ground, you need to be gentle, firm, and patient when you bring up the conversation. Don’t act like you are dictator and don’t throw ultimatums along the lines of “If you don’t come to see me and Betty this weekend, I won’t show up in your wedding”. They are no longer 5-years olds to fall for that. However, you shouldn’t do the opposite either and wait from them like a saint to magically approve your relationship without saying a word. The key to tackling the matter when the matter arises, is to address their fears and concerns and let them know that it will be for the benefit of all if you accept each other’s choices.

 

respect loveNo 6: Show them you are happy with your chosen partner. Some adult children and relatives may not get jealous of your new relationship which is a good thing, but they might have genuine concerns about your happiness and well-being. They may worry about your new relationship because they don’t want to see you suffering from a bad choice.By showing them you are happy with your new partner and not only during the early stages of your relationship, this will ease their worries and reassure them that you’ve made the right choice.

 

No 7: Discuss and settle all inheritance matters. As much as you hate to admit it, your family may react badly because of inherited property getting in the hands of your partner, especially if your partner is younger. The first step here is to discuss the matter with your children and then consult an lawyer to make your will. This will let them know of all their rights before and after you pass away. It is a cold and tough process for everyone involved, but it’s a must if your children are now adults.

 

No 8:  Tell them to give your new partner a chance and respect your choice. Your children are most probably adults already if you have crossed the age of 50 and they have a life on their own/independent of yours. While they do have a right to express their concerns about your new partner, in the end, the choice is yours and only yours. Tell them to give your new partner a chance before judging and slowly introduce your partner so they get to know him/her better and become more comfortable around their presence.

Now sometimes your family may be extra persistent, each for their own reasons.

If they are still negative, kindly yet firmly tell them that you are happy and that you understand but you are happy with your partner and they need to respect that. After all, they shouldn’t dictate your life as you no longer dictate theirs.

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Having Fun on Your First Mature Date

Dating for mature single women can be nerve-wracking, especially if it is the first time that they have dated in a long time.  The first mature datetraditional rules of mature dating are not as strict as they once were.  A mature date can consist of a variety of activities, and there are several ways to break the ice on a date.  Here are five groups of topics to get the conversation flowing on a date.

Ice Breakers

To start the evening, bring up topics about each other.  This could be their professional life or their hobbies.  This could be an easy way to gain common ground.  It’s also a good idea to ask about where they are from originally and their family.  Mature single women have a lot to offer during a date.

Building on Common Ground

Once common ground or common interests have been established, expand on that.  This will be a great way to gauge mutual interest and if a second date is on the horizon.  Topics of conversation at this point could include favorite movies or TV shows, whether he or she is a cat or god person, and what he or she likes to do for fun.  Mature dating should be all about finding the fun and enjoying it together.

Evening Entertainment

Expanding on common interests will lead to both of you growing more comfortable with each other. The topic of a second date may be mentioned here. This could also be the place where creativity and humor are explored.  Topics of conversation here include dreams and what he or she would do if they won a lottery.  Answers to these questions will inspire a lively conversation that both should enjoy.

Don’t Want This to End

dinner datingPresuming that everything in this date is going well, topics in this group could include the current location of the date.  This is also another place to expand on common interests and get to know each other better.  Topics here could include ambitions, dreams, or memories.

Ending the Evening

If common interests have led to a stimulating conversation, then the first date is a success.  Topics of conversation at this point could include planning the second dateThis is also where a mature date turns into mature relationshipCommon interests could take center stage when planning activities to do together.

Mature single women should have no fear when it comes to datingAny mature date will have a relaxed atmosphere.  This is because the traditional rules of dating are not nearly as rigid as they once were.  The object is to have fun and be yourself.

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Keys to Maintaining a Stable Mature Relationship

The entertainment industry capitalizes on the idea that for a relationship to be worthwhile, it must have drama.  That is what stable lovemakes TV and movies appealing after all.  Yet, this is rarely the case in the real world. A mature relationship can be quite fulfilling without the drama.  Every relationship is different, but there are several common themes that will help to ensure a stable relationship will stand the test of time.

There are numerous ideas about mature dating.  Mature singles have more ways than ever to meet potential partners.  When mature singles are able to meet online and lay a foundation for a relationship before ever meeting in person, it means that the world of dating has changed.  There are ways for the mature to maintain a strong relationship in a world that emphasizes drama.

There are several components to a mature relationship, and the most important aspects to have are trust and respect.  To trust your partner is to realize that he or she still has their own world with their own ambitions.  Exercising this trust means to give them the freedom to be their own person without having to worry about you.  Respecting your partner is to realize that they will have differing opinions from yours on a variety of topics.  This does not mean that one side needs to persuade the other in to switching viewpoints.  Exercising this respect means to grant these differences in viewpoint without accusations or personal attacks.

mature coupleOther keys to maintaining a stable, mature relationship are support, flexibility and gratitude.  Support can come in many forms.  Emotional support is probably the most essential form.  This means that when your partner encounters hardship (maybe career wise); you are always there for whatever they need.  This concept is related to flexibility in that plans may not go the way you thought they would (or should).  This can happen for a variety of reasons, but mature dating entails being flexible.

To have a sense of gratitude is to look beyond your partner’s actions and to the emotional motivation behind them.  It also means to realize that he or she may show their feelings in ways different from how you show yours.  For instance, one partner may be used to showing gratitude and love verbally, while the other shows it by actions.

The most important thing to remember about any mature relationship is that they will require both partners to work for it.  In the world today, with so much online activity, it may be easy for mature singles to be distracted from the relationship that they have waited for so long to find.  The right relationship will require work, but will also be easy for you and your partner.